As a practical matter, the net result of ignoring adolescent male masturbation, a dynamic meant to help pubescent boys synchronize mind and body for future sexual confidence, is: possible premature ejaculation (PE), sexual anxiety, and anger and frustration for sexually assertive female, seeking mutual fulfillment. It is highly likely that if you asked any adult male if he ever masturbated as a teenage boy, the answer would be no, out of sheer embarrassment. In fact, as I worked toward collecting information for a project about sexual relationships two years ago, I engaged several men who would not discuss masturbation because it went against their Christian beliefs. For all I knew before conversing with them was that the issue of masturbation was limited to mothers advising daughters against engaging in such “nasty” act. Never did I expect to encounter men who got similar advice. Regardless of so-called diehard Christian men, who insinuated that jacking off amounted to cheating privately, I wondered if they weren’t victims of premature ejaculation (PE), similarly to men who admitted to ignoring masturbation as teenage boys, only to experience the wrath of (PE) as adults. Unlike women that have to ” learn” the art of masturbation by touching and manipulating vaginal pressure points, and eventually becoming comfortable with its mechanics, jacking off comes naturally to teen boys, almost by accident in many instances. Once a teenage boy begins to understand the physical and psychological changes taking place specific to “wet dreams” and continual involuntary penile erections, he quickly gets the hang of what to do next. These changes which are all about the emergence of puberty and social acceptability have nothing to do with being sexually active.
They are signals, informing teenage boys to begin learning to “fine-tune” mind and body; another way to put it is, taking control of the mind over body in preparedness for preventing sexual mishaps–(PE), for example, with females in the future. Of course, they will not know all of that until they become sexually active, and for some of them, probably experience hearing this subtle question from a dissatisfied female partner during sex: ARE YOU DONE, code for I am disappointed in your performance. Put quite simply, many adolescent males that fail to pay keen attention or attempt to understand physical and psychological changes taking place with the body relative to the penis, tend to question their sexual adequacy, going forward. Based on conversations with guys, men that question their sexual adequacy, specific to whether they can satisfy a female, or are “big” enough, are men that develop timidity, having engaged sexually assertive women. Of course, they didn’t dare admit it, though I read between the lines. Besides wrongly equating penis size with female sexual satisfaction, timid men confuse female sexual assertiveness with aggression, which scares the hell out of them enough to wither on the vine just before or during intercourse. In plain English, women may be unaware of this little reality; that is, for some of you your persona is so present and pronounced, you inadvertently cause some men to fold when sex is abound.
What timid guys least understand is, women that engage in sex for the purposes of personal satisfaction are sometimes talkative, meaning by way of body language or verbal communication will direct a guy or suggest how they like to be touched and where. The response to assertive females by these men usually is, “don’t tell me what to do,” suggesting they are experienced enough to know what to do, without acknowledging no way in hell do they understand any female’s body and desire much more than she does. After all, what turns one female on, does not apply to every other woman such that a guy thinks he has the ultimate secret to unlocking every woman’s sexual arousal. Another thing about timid men is the fear of a woman taking control of sex, which in their mind diminishes manhood. For example, many Arab/Muslim cultures do not allow women to top and “ride” men during sex, because of the diminishing effects it has on manhood, to which I would ask, which of the two would leave the privacy of sex involving just two individuals, only to announce to the family that they violated tradition while having sex. Give me a break.
Quite simply, unlike a guy whose readiness-arousal for sex is determined mostly by an erection, it takes a woman much longer to calm down from mental multitasking about whatever, and adjust the body for sex and romance. When that happens and she becomes aroused, a curious guy cannot miss the obvious signs of a sexually excited female, if he pays attention. Those obvious signs of arousal include but are not limited to vaginal wetness, firmly protruding clit, which twitches for some females, firm nipples, internal vaginal distension, if he cares to check, using finger(s) if she allows…
Though women generally are satisfied with oral clitoral stimulation that accomplishes orgasm in many instances, many others equally prefer “feeling it insides”-vaginal throbbing even after oral clitoral stimulation. This puts some guys in a quandary, according to 22-year-old Joseph, who considered himself a “super expert” at making “any woman cum,” orally before meeting Andrea, who proved otherwise challenging.
The way he put it, Joseph did take advantage of boyhood masturbation, but not for the reasons I have described-preventing (PE), for instance; he did it to pleasure himself only, not thinking of the hold and release practice to mimicked vaginal muscles contraction during intercourse. Notwithstanding, he grew up perfecting his expertise in oral sex with females mainly because in high school, a group of five friends, including him, competed among themselves for who could use the tongue to make girls cum. It was all about bragging rights, when unsuspecting females would confide in friends at school and social gatherings about sexual experiences with any one of them.
Privately, however, Joseph’s almost exclusive focus on oral stimulation of women meant less attention to the importance of vaginal stimulation for other females. Admittedly, he didn’t realize he had a (PE) problem until meeting Andrea, a 27-year-old coworker, who loved clitoral stimulation, but to a point. By this time Joseph, 22-years-old and several years out of high school, was no longer playing games in a who can make her cum competition. Andrea’s biggest turn-on according to him, was a guy holding his hard penis and roughly massaging her clit in an up and down and side to side motion, followed by penetration and doing vaginal throbbing, while still stroking her clit with his finger. Wow, sounds complicated, but not really. Yep, it was complicated for him, if you consider this an unfortunate experience. No sooner than the sensitive nerves ending of his penis head rubbed against Andrea’s clit while doing what she desired, he “busted.”
Even though she pretended it was okay, he knew she had reservations about his performance. Moreover, the embarrassment to him prevented him from asking obvious questions about Andrea’s feelings. The experienced rattled him; so much so, he began to believe he knew what she thought of him as they ran into each other at work. You bet he did everything to avoid her. Then realizing she had not given up on him, his thoughts began running amok on him. One such thought was what if she wanted them to have another round of sexual engagement, would the outcome be different. Men by nature cherish being in control sexually; they also disdain sexual criticism, which goes directly to ego, something that preoccupied Joseph, especially not sure about whether Andrea was critical of his performance privately or discussed the experience with other female co-workers. This guy was one of the few rarest, straight-talking, hold-nothing-back dudes I met along the way of mopping up information for my project. We had a lengthy discussion about the art of masturbation for the sole purpose of re-calibrating mind and body.
To hear sexually assertive women tell it, they do not engage in sex to train a (PE) guy into believing he is “all that” when he is not. That was especially true for women in long-term relationships, including marriage; they intimated that because frustration and anger were derivatives of dissatisfaction emanating from poorly performing (PE) guys, they were in the forefront of encouraging male partners to seek help. Essentially they were women respectfully signaling that they held back nothing at nudging their husbands/partners to seek professional help, considering sex was theirs to enjoy too.
I suppose it is embarrassing for any adult male to sit across from a male or female therapist telling on himself, when all of this could have been controlled at a much earlier age, after which he might have developed confidence and “staying power” during sex as he traversed the various stages of human development. Understandably, women have no clue the pressure of embarrassment they exact on a partner when he has to stake out his ego before another man or women, albeit a therapist.
Embarrassment is an understatement for a (PE) sufferer, who might be wondering just what the thoughts are of a male therapist to whom he has to discuss his manhood, or shall we say less of a manhood, if you can call it that. Undoubtedly, the single biggest objective of majority of men during sex with a female is to pleasure her to orgasm; that, of course, is without knowing if she knows her body enough to help him help her to cum.
However, male (PE) sufferers are ripe for the picking by female orgasmic fakers, because they (PE sufferers) have no way of challenging an orgasmic faker, who might suggest that any wetness post intercourse is his and hers. The same lie does hold up for another category of men–delay ejaculating (DE) that is rarely discussed, but which I will introduce. So check this space.
Take note. I am not a sex therapist, only one that discusses the issue of sex based on experience and by provoking answers to questions that are relevant to citing sexual drawbacks and deriving new opportunities. My interest in human sexuality began at the tender age of consent. So if your gig is discussing sexual challenges, let’s chat. email@example.com.